my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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