Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
