the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
