I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I have already put on my inside pants.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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