There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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