If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize