My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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