I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
