Can Purell be used as lube?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
