why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
