we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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