I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize