i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
