No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think your dad took our porno
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
