My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize