found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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