we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My dick has a subreddit
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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