Welp...herpes.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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