Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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