Do you still have your period?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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