I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
