birth control should be required to get into college
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
