capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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