I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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