he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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