I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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