i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
