They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
