Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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