At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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