HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
