Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
do nipples grow back?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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