A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
