i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
2020 sucks, I want a refund
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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