onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
