i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
