You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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