I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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