He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
