Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
