I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
