More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
