fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i think i have herpe
just one?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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