next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
