Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
