The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
