sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
