One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
