do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
