you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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