textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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