We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
