I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
