I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
