The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dick very happy bro
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