Dignity is for republicans.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
