Dual....:-)
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
