Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize