So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
