i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
