where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Someone shattered a urinal.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
