O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
