The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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