flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
