Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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