Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
